Have you ever wondered how much of your present is shaped by your past? Stephanie Foo’s talks about this in her book, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma. Foo explores the lingering effects of trauma and her journey toward healing. A path that is anything but straightforward.
Diagnosed with complex PTSD after years of battling anxiety and depression that started in her early teens, Stephanie Foo’s memoir is a raw and honest journey through the complexities of healing. She shares her struggles to find treatments that truly work for her, highlighting how healing is rarely a straightforward process. Through her exploration, she goes into various therapies like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), which she discovered through The Body Keeps the Score. Foo’s experience shows that what works for one person may not work for another.
What sets this memoir apart is not just its emotional depth and beautifully crafted prose, but also how it tackles the nuanced intersections of culture, race, and intergenerational trauma in mental health. Foo explores issues that have become increasingly relevant in today’s interconnected world, offering perspectives that are often overlooked. Her writing is vulnerable and real, capturing the messiness of healing with unflinching honesty and quiet courage.
This memoir is a personal story and a testament to the resilience required to keep moving forward, even when the path ahead feels uncertain. Foo’s self-awareness and determination shine through every page, making this book an unforgettable read.
Summary
How Trauma Shapes Our Brain and Responses
When we endure traumatic experiences, our brains instinctively focus on the most immediate threats in our surroundings. These threats are deeply encoded in our subconscious as sources of danger, creating a lasting imprint.
What we often label as emotional outbursts, like anxiety, depression, or sudden anger, aren’t simply emotional weaknesses or flaws. Instead, they can be protective reflexes triggered by these deeply ingrained memories of danger. These responses are our brain’s way of shielding us from perceived threats, even if they’re no longer present in reality. The stimuli that provoke these reactions are commonly referred to as triggers.
The Differences Between Regular PTSD and Complex PTSD
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is commonly linked to a single traumatic event, a moment that leaves a deep psychological scar. In contrast, complex PTSD arises from prolonged exposure to trauma, often stretching over years. For example, survivors of sustained child abuse frequently experience complex PTSD due to the persistent and ongoing nature of their suffering.
What sets complex PTSD apart is the sheer weight of repeated trauma. Unlike a single event, the ongoing cycle of abuse can generate an overwhelming number of triggers, both conscious and subconscious. If someone is punished relentlessly for mistakes, they may come to view any error as a danger. If they’ve been repeatedly betrayed, they might see all people as untrustworthy. Over time, the world itself can feel like an unending threat.
Complex trauma doesn’t just leave scars. It shapes personality. Those with complex PTSD often develop coping mechanisms and behaviors that may appear self-sabotaging or overly dramatic to outsiders. These defensive traits, born out of survival, can make it difficult for others to connect with them, further isolating the individual.
PTSD, A Misunderstood Gender Divide
PTSD is often stereotyped as a “male condition,” a warrior’s disease tied to combat in faraway deserts or jungles. However, statistics reveal a surprising reality: women are more than twice as likely to experience PTSD as men.
Judith Herman, in her influential book Trauma and Recovery, emphasizes how women’s pain has been systematically overlooked throughout history. Despite their critical role in shaping modern psychoanalysis, women’s trauma has often been dismissed or ignored.
The way PTSD manifests also differs between genders. Men are more prone to anger, paranoia, and an exaggerated startle response. In contrast, women tend to exhibit avoidance behaviors and are more likely to develop mood and anxiety disorders. When facing stress, women often focus on emotional regulation, employing a “tend-and-befriend” response, while men are more likely to rely on fight-or-flight instincts.
Trauma’s impact on women is further complicated by biological factors. Hormonal cycles can make women more vulnerable to trauma, and past trauma can disrupt hormones in unhealthy ways. Women who experienced childhood trauma are significantly more at risk, 80% more likely, to develop conditions such as endometriosis, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, and fibroids. These conditions can affect fertility and increase the likelihood of postpartum depression and depression during menopause.
Recognizing these gendered differences is essential for developing more inclusive and effective approaches to understanding and treating PTSD. Women’s experiences with trauma are deeply interconnected with their mental, emotional, and physical health, and these nuances demand attention and care.
Taming the Overactive Default Mode Network (DMN)
For individuals living with depression, anxiety, or complex PTSD, an overactive default mode network (DMN) can be a key culprit. The DMN, often associated with self-reflection and rumination, can spiral into a toxic loop of obsession and self-doubt when unchecked. This overactivity intensifies feelings of insecurity and emotional punishment.
There are several ways to quiet the DMN. While antidepressants and hallucinogenic substances can significantly reduce its activity, mindfulness is one of the most effective and accessible approaches. The trick lies in redirecting the brain’s focus. The DMN requires mental resources to keep ruminating. When you engage in something that demands external attention—like solving a challenging math problem or savoring a ripe peach, the DMN loses the energy it needs to sustain its internal loops. This simple shift can “short-circuit” the DMN, breaking the cycle of negative thoughts.
Mindfulness doesn’t need to be complex. It can be as immediate as focusing on sensations in the present: the warmth of a bath, the sound of a violin, or the stretch of your muscles during yoga. These moments of focus draw you out of your head and into the world around you.
Shutting down the DMN has another profound benefit: ego dissolution. When the DMN quiets, the barriers between self and others soften. This can create a powerful sense of interconnectedness, fostering a feeling of belonging to something larger: a community, a society, or the shared humanity that binds us all.
Practices like restorative yoga or grounding exercises are excellent ways to calm the DMN. These activities help shift your awareness from internal ruminations to the present moment, offering both mental clarity and emotional relief.
How Meditation Rewires the Brain and Fights Stress
Meditation is more than a relaxation technique. It’s a tool for transforming the brain and body. Practicing meditation can boost focus, reduce anxiety and depression, and limit the flood of cortisol, the stress hormone. It also decreases activity in the amygdala, the brain’s fear center, while enhancing the activity of the prefrontal cortex (PFC), which is responsible for rational thinking and emotional regulation. This rewiring helps individuals break free from harmful thought cycles, allowing them to approach life with a calmer and more positive perspective.
On a physiological level, meditation directly impacts the nervous system. Stress activates the sympathetic nervous system, often referred to as the fight-or-flight response, preparing the body for action. Meditation, however, activates the parasympathetic nervous system, often called the rest-and-digest system. This counteracts stress by lowering heart rate, reducing blood pressure, and slowing breathing. In essence, meditation serves as a natural antidote to the stress response, promoting balance and relaxation.
Grounding, A Quick Path to Mindfulness
Grounding is like a simplified, bite-sized version of meditation. It’s a mindfulness technique that involves focusing on small, tangible details in your immediate surroundings. Unlike traditional meditation, grounding is brief and highly accessible, making it an easy way to anchor yourself in the present moment.
By practicing grounding, the author experienced a profound sense of presence, which unlocked an intense, full-body appreciation for simply being alive. It’s a reminder that even in the midst of life’s challenges, connecting with the here and now can bring unexpected joy and calm.
My Favorite Bits
Having triggers doesn’t make you a fragile little snowflake. It makes you human.
Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma
Author: Stephanie Foo
Publication date: 22 February 2022
Number of pages: 352 pages
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