We live in a chaotic world. One side effect of that chaos is how easily we lose touch with our instincts and with what truly makes us feel alive. In a time shaped by tools like ChatGPT and other LLMs, the situation gets worsen. Even our intention to learn or sharpen our skills accompanied by questioning ourselves on why we should do it when so much can be done for us. Striving for excellence can even feel unnecessary today, almost outdated, and therefore rare.
The Way of Excellence by Brad Stulberg takes that issue seriously. It explores what excellence really means by focusing on something simple yet critical at once, the one that is irreplaceable by machine: feeling. It argues that “the peak of human experience is feeling.” Excellence grows out of lived experience. It comes from trying, failing, adjusting, and gradually sensing what works.
Excellence is not a destination; it is a process of becoming.
Brad Stulberg, The Way of Excellence
We learn best when we physically and emotionally experience the difference between doing something wrong and doing it right. Excellence develops as we find a rhythm through repetition and attention. That rhythm cannot be rushed. It forms slowly, through patience and steady practice.
At the same time, feelings are not perfect guides. Something may feel good in the moment but create problems later. That is why reflection and clear thinking matter. Excellence requires both emotion and reason working together.
Although the book sets out to explain how to achieve excellence, I found that its main argument feels similar to many other self-development books. What stands out more to me, however, is its exploration of what makes us human. Its reflections on emotion and identity give the book real depth.
One memorable section compares identity to a house.
“I’ve come to think about identity like a house: If you live in a house that only has one room, and it floods, then you have to move out of the house. It is a disorienting experience. But if you live in a house with multiple rooms, and one room floods, you can seek refuge in the other rooms while you repair the damage. The goal is to build an identity house with at least a few rooms, because you never know when one is going to flood and you’ll need to find strength and stability in the others.”
I love how it suggests to build a life with multiple sources of meaning. Avoid tying your entire identity to one role or one success. This idea echoes the argument in Range by David Epstein, which encourages exploring widely instead of specializing too early.
There is no greater illusion than thinking the accomplishment of some goal will change your life. What will change your life is who you become in the process of going for it.
Brad Stulberg, The Way of Excellence
Stulberg also revisits the concept of flow, one that I knew from Flow by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi. Flow describes deep focus in the present moment. Excellence, however, stretches beyond a single moment of immersion. It is built over time. It is the steady effort that slowly becomes a lasting groove.
In a world that prioritizes speed and automation, it reminds us that excellence still belongs to those who are willing to engage fully in the human process of learning and feeling.
“The real reward isn’t a bigger deadlift, a faster mile, or a sturdier table. The real reward is that you become a better version of yourself.”
Brad Stulberg, The Way of Excellence
More books from Brad Stulberg:
Summary
The 4 Stages of Competence
Learning often moves through four stages:
- Unconscious incompetence: you’re new, doing things wrong, and you don’t realize what you don’t know yet.
- Conscious incompetence: you still make mistakes, but now you notice them and understand what’s missing.
- Conscious competence: you can do it correctly, but only with focus and effort.
- Unconscious competence: the skill becomes automatic. You stop forcing it, and it flows naturally.
Why Feelings Are Essential for Good Decisions
When we face uncertainty, logic alone is not enough. According to the somatic marker theory, our brains attach emotional signals to experiences. These signals, called somatic markers, help us judge what feels right, risky, safe, or rewarding.
Without these emotional cues, decision-making breaks down. When there are many possible actions, pure reasoning struggles to label something as “good” or “bad.” Feelings step in to guide us.
We perform at our best when we are fully engaged, in sync with our environment, moving almost instinctively. In those moments, emotions are guidance systems.
Rather than being obstacles to success, our feelings are essential to it. They help steer us toward balance, growth, and what could be called excellence.
Three Needs That Help Us Thrive Long-Term
Over time, people tend to do best when three basic needs are consistently supported:
- Autonomy: having real control over how you spend your time and energy, instead of feeling trapped or forced.
- Competence: seeing steady progress, a clear path where your effort leads to improvement and skill.
- Belonging: feeling connected to something beyond yourself, such as a close relationship, a community, or a shared tradition.
Self-Complexity: Why a Broader Identity Makes You Stronger
Self-complexity means building meaning and identity from multiple areas of life instead of tying everything to one role or pursuit. Research shows that people with higher self-complexity are more emotionally stable and better able to handle setbacks.
It may seem that focusing on many identities would weaken commitment to a main goal. In reality, the opposite happens. A broader identity creates a stronger foundation. You can care deeply about one pursuit without letting it define your entire worth.
This balance builds resilience. It makes risk-taking possible. Instead of playing it safe to avoid failure, you play to win. And real improvement requires exactly that: the willingness to fail.
Author: Brad Stulberg
Publication date: 27 January 2026
Number of pages: 288 pages
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