These days, countless programs are launched in schools and companies, all with the aim of “fixing” what adults think today’s youth are missing. Yet, many of these efforts fall flat. They fail to truly connect with young people, and sometimes, the message doesn’t even reach them at all. Why is that?
In 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People, David Yeager discussed the science of youth development and challenges some deeply held beliefs. The problem isn’t with teens themselves—it’s how we approach them. For too long, society has viewed teens as issues to solve rather than potential to unlock. What we often label as impulsive or reckless behavior is, in fact, a natural need for status and respect. Teens are hardwired to seek approval from their peers and mentors. When they don’t get it, they may act out—but what if we could channel that energy toward something positive?
The book argues that by giving the right kind of support, we can help channel teens’ crave for respect into productive actions. This challenges the common belief that teens are rebellious by nature. Instead, they need meaningful opportunities to show what they’re capable of.
One particularly interesting point in this book is about nagging—a common tactic adults use to get teens to “pay attention.” Research shows that nagging triggers the emotional part of a teen’s brain, shutting down their ability to think logically. They’re not ignoring you on purpose—they’re simply wired to tune out. A better way? Speak calmly and neutrally to engage the part of their brain that handles planning and decision-making. This opens the door to real conversation.
Yeager also suggests that teens aren’t incompetent—they just think differently. Their brains are still developing, especially the areas responsible for long-term thinking. While teens may focus on quick rewards, adults should guide them toward long-term goals—without disrespecting their need for validation.
This is where the “mentor mindset” comes in. Instead of being strict disciplinarians, adults—whether parents, teachers, or coaches—should act as mentors. Set high expectations, but offer the support teens need to meet them. Criticism without care can crush motivation, but when teens feel believed in, they often rise to the challenge.
One of the most fascinating insights in the book is about status. Adolescents are highly aware of their social standing, driven by hormonal changes like testosterone. In the past, this helped them manage complex social dynamics, but today’s society doesn’t always offer teens the respect they seek. This leads to what the authors call the “adolescent predicament”—a conflict between risky behaviors that bring short-term status and safer choices that may feel less rewarding. This tension continues well into young adulthood.
10 to 25 also raises the problem of mistrust between teens and adults. Adolescents often feel misunderstood, while adults see them as entitled or overly sensitive. This gap makes real communication tough. But by avoiding labels and asking open-ended questions, we can start to build trust and create a foundation for real change.
In my opinion, the best part of 10 to 25 is the idea of “inclusive excellence”—the belief that every young person, no matter their background, can reach high standards if given the right opportunities. This powerful message shifts the focus from seeing youth as problems to be solved, to viewing them as potential waiting to be unlocked.
10 to 25 is a must-read for anyone who works with, mentors, or raises young people. The book challenges old stereotypes about teens and offers practical strategies to become the kind of mentor who makes a lasting impact. It’s a game-changer for those committed to helping the next generation grow into confident, capable adults.
Summary
Many youth-serving programs fail, not because of young people themselves, but due to our flawed perspectives about them. Instead of viewing youth as problems to be managed, recent scientific insights reveal that they are resources to be cultivated. The real question we should be asking is: What if the issue lies in how we treat the next generation, rather than in who they are?
The Science Behind Youth Development
Over the past two decades, research has shown that young people seek status and respect from their peers and mentors. They crave meaningful contributions and opportunities to prove themselves. The same motivations that drive undesirable behaviors can be channeled into positive actions if we understand their perspectives. When given the right support, young people can make choices that promote their long-term well-being.
However, there’s a key challenge: the adolescent brain is still developing, especially the prefrontal cortex, which controls planning and decision-making. This means teens often struggle to consider the long-term consequences of their actions, acting impulsively due to the hormonal shifts that make them prioritize short-term rewards.
Why Teens Don’t Listen to Nagging
Have you ever wondered why nagging teenagers doesn’t work? Neuroscience shows that when parents nag, it triggers intense emotional responses in teens, activating the brain regions associated with anger rather than those related to listening or planning. In contrast, when parents speak in a neutral tone, teens are more likely to engage the thinking and planning regions of their brains, allowing for better communication.
Some of what we perceive as teenage incompetence may be less about biological limitations and more about how they respond to our words. Research suggests that emotional regions of the brain actually teach the logical, reasoning parts how to process emotions better. This dynamic influences how adolescents develop their ability to reason socially and emotionally.
The Role of Status and Respect
Adolescents are hypersensitive to status and respect, a trait influenced by hormones like testosterone. This drive isn’t a flaw—it’s a feature of human development. Throughout history, it has helped young people learn how to navigate complex social structures. Today, however, society often fails to recognize this need for respect and status, leading to what’s called the “adolescent predicament.”
This predicament refers to the mismatch between young people’s need for respect and the limited respect they receive. Teens are often forced to choose between social survival, which can sometimes harm their long-term well-being, and socially harmful behaviors that may benefit their future success. This dilemma persists in different forms from early adolescence into young adulthood.
The Mentor’s Mindset
Many adults view youth through the lens of a “neurobiological-incompetence model,” assuming that teens are incapable of making sound decisions. This mindset leads to ineffective solutions and limits young people’s growth potential. Instead, a better approach is the “mentor mindset,” where young people are held to high standards while receiving the support needed to meet those expectations. This approach not only fosters respect but also motivates youth to rise to the challenge.
Leaders and mentors often face a dilemma: how do they criticize young people’s performance without crushing their confidence? Criticism can be demotivating if not handled correctly. The “compliment sandwich” method, where criticism is wrapped between two layers of praise, often backfires. Young people see through hollow praise and latch onto the criticism, viewing it as a personal attack. The key is to offer meaningful feedback while showing belief in their ability to improve.
Society’s Mistrust of Youth
One of the biggest obstacles to bridging the generational divide is mistrust. Young people often feel that adults dismiss their perspectives, while adults label youth as overly sensitive or entitled. This disconnect is exacerbated by the adolescent’s constant need to detect social threats, causing them to sort people into rigid categories of “safe” or “unsafe.”
Breaking this cycle of mistrust requires both sides to stop applying fixed labels and start asking genuine questions. Questions show respect and open the door for collaborative problem-solving, helping to bridge the gap between generations.
The Importance of Inclusive Excellence
Finally, the mentor mindset promotes what’s known as “inclusive excellence,” which allows anyone with the desire to excel to reach high standards, regardless of their background. Rather than “exclusive excellence,” where only a privileged few succeed, inclusive excellence ensures that all young people are given the opportunity to thrive.
Young people aren’t problems to be solved; they’re assets to be developed. By treating them with respect, providing high standards along with strong support, and addressing their need for status, we can help them grow into the capable and confident adults they are destined to be.
Author: David Yeager, PhD
Publication date: 6 August 2024
Number of pages: 464 pages
